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It was my first experience with casual sex like that — and I was surprised by how into it I was. By projecting my own desires onto our situation rather than hearing and respecting what they had told me at the start, I was setting myself up for heartbreak. Skip navigation! My dating life followed a very specific pattern in my early 20s.

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To me, sex is like basketball: a pleasurable activity you can do with alone or with others, with varying degrees of formality. And pickup basketball can be quite invigorating. After four years with an exclusive, committed partner, they usually know at least four to six things that you reliably like doing. Casual sexof course, can suffer from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion—we all have lackluster one night stand stories.

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